I no longer fear death... for i have been to hell.
What a "holiday"
Shortly after that last post which I don't actually remember... not even a little... the entire family came down with a crazy case of the stomach flu. So i've been trying to get over the extreme stomach cramps, vomiting and other fantastic symptoms associated with this great ailment.
But I am back in Cowtown and am now it appears i will be missing the new years party that i had planned to go to B.C. for... looks like i may be spending it in bed now. and not in a good way.
Oh well... hopefully i'll feel good enough to go out to do something here in calgary when the time comes.
posted by Internet Master Phunk 7:56 PM
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The Captain - Being sick sucks dude. Take care of yourself and get better soon!
Monday, December 30, 2002 at 12:41:21 PM captainspanky.net

IMOTU - thanks captain!
Wednesday, January 01, 2003 at 9:10:35 AM www.insultmachine.com/imotu

Doctor Tongue - that crap (literally) has made the rounds of a lot of people I know in the last couple weeks - not me yet (knock on my wooden head)...
Wednesday, January 01, 2003 at 2:59:17 PM doctortongue.com

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SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO drunk... can't find.... anything.... soooooooooooo drunk....
posted by Internet Master Phunk 2:33 AM
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This is one of the funniest links i have seen in ages...
12 days of Canadian Christmas
I yanked it from The Captain
I'm sure he won't mind...
posted by Internet Master Phunk 3:04 PM
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got to see Lord of the Rings : The Two Towers today with The Doc.
And SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!!!!
I was once asked what 5 movies i would take with me to a desert island by Frenchy... I considered this a very important question and thought about it for a good many months before my list finally shaped as follows:
Boondock Saints
The Matrix
Fight Club
American Pie
Fellowship of the Ring
After today... the list has changed :
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Two Towers
Return of the King
Boondock Saints
Fight Club

Yes... I have already included Return of the King, because after The Two Towers, Peter Jackson could do no wrong. It was brilliant. I have no idea how he managed to fit that entire book into one movie but there it is... somethings missing of course but the spirit and mostly the action is right there and remarkably faithful... In fact, i feel even more pity for gollum after the movie than I did reading the books... They should start having academy awards for best supporting CG character because he was one of the highlights of the movie in my opinion. Some humor as well mixed into the movie... one of my favorite scenes occurs near the beginning of the battle for helms deep... (don't worry, not much of a spoiler, just a one liner) As the camera pans dramatically across rains soaked faces on the wall, drums of war beating, everything paused for just a few heartbeats as you feel the oncoming battle, you see legolas and hear that deep scotish accent, "You couldn't have picked a better spot?!" and you see gimli's helmet bobbing up and down, just barely visibly over the lip of the wall...
posted by Internet Master Phunk 1:13 AM
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The Captain - How about "Ship Building" or the "Island Survival Guide" haha.
Thursday, December 19, 2002 at 9:37:09 AM captainspanky.net

Doctor Tongue - or a DVD player, TV and generator
Thursday, December 19, 2002 at 1:53:45 PM doctortongue.com

IMOTU - i think you missed the point of it fuckers...
Thursday, December 19, 2002 at 4:24:37 PM www.insultmachine.com/imotu

Doctor Tongue - ditto to you
Friday, December 20, 2002 at 12:29:41 PM doctortongue.com

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Well... i asked Smurf what i should blog about(she's the girl), I needed a good rant and she suggested i talk about how fat she is... So... never one to disappoint a friend...
Smurf is so fat, that she was in the middle of the road and a car tried to go around her but it ran out of gas...
Now you all try.
Smurf is so fat...
posted by Internet Master Phunk 11:03 PM
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Madbuffalo - Smurf is so fat...she has her own gravititational field... well, actuallty that's more out of sheer aggression than anything, smurf is actually really really tiny and cute... i mean... she's 'smurf'..I guess that makes her little like a black hole.... relatively small, enormously heavy and with the ability to bend light, except black holes couldn't really be described as little, cute and blue, which smurf is, except smurf isn't blue, but she should try painting herself blue, cause that would be cool. I'm sorry, I'll stop now
Monday, December 16, 2002 at 5:57:38 AM

IMOTU - ..... you're stupid.
Monday, December 16, 2002 at 1:02:27 PM www.insultmachine.com/imotu

IMOTU - anyone else want to actually try to be funny and contribute to the smurf is so fat joke campaign?
Monday, December 16, 2002 at 1:03:07 PM www.insultmachine.com/imotu

tlawski - No, not really, but I would like to contrubute to the IMOTU is gay campaign. www.ryan.isgay.com
Monday, December 16, 2002 at 3:28:14 PM www.ryan.isgay.com

IMOTU - people aren't reading to well... i said "does anyone want to try to be funny..."
Monday, December 16, 2002 at 6:53:44 PM www.insultmachine.com/imotu

Madbuffalo - i'll get you, you and your little dog
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 7:19:47 AM

IMOTU - well madbuffalo, the readers don't need to know anymore about your "interests"... We got pigass, dogs, whats next, alterboys?
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 9:11:04 AM www.insultmachine.com/imotu

CowBringer - I knew Madbufflo couldn't just leave it at a fat joke, he might think that 'the blue one' would take it persoanlly. In fact I don't think he has a mean bone in his body, speaking of bodies... Madbufflo is so fat...
Tuesday, December 17, 2002 at 10:16:26 PM

Madbuffalo - madbuffalo is so fat that he almost fits into the enourmous shadow that cowbringer can cast when he actually gets out of his chair for another slice of pizza
Thursday, December 19, 2002 at 6:59:54 AM

IMOTU - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Thursday, December 19, 2002 at 4:25:07 PM www.insultmachine.com/imotu

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So i picked up the special extended edition of Lord of the Rings on DVD a few days ago, and now that i've had a good chance to watch it and all the extras, i can say without a doubt that it is absolutely fantastic. Nearly every scene in the movie has added footage or is completely new. I already own the DVD, the regular non-extended version and I was a little worried that i was spending alot more money on it than was reasonable, but for any true fan of the books or movies then its a must buy. It honestly almost felt like i was watching a new movie since I was contantly seeing new footage. This is the way The Fellowship of the Ring was meant to be seen.
Although, I gotta admit, there are over 6 hours of special features and ducumentaries on 2 DVDs that kind of removed some of the mystery of the film... made it feel more like a hollywood movie and less of a historical retelling of middle earth that it was for me before... but its always quickly forgotten as soon as I start to watch the movie again...
posted by Internet Master Phunk 10:48 AM
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Someone sent me this:
http://ryan.youaremyfriend.com/
I felt so special until i realized you could replace 'ryan' in the URL with 'pigass' and get the same result.
Thanks for both making and ruining my day.
posted by Internet Master Phunk 9:29 PM
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madbuffalo - i object vigorously to your comment, both you and 'pigass' are in fact cherished members of my social circle, i find it so difficult to choose.....
Friday, December 13, 2002 at 7:07:30 AM

IMOTU - You frighten me sometimes...
Friday, December 13, 2002 at 10:41:05 AM www.insultmachine.com/imotu

Cowbringer - Just sometimes?
Friday, December 13, 2002 at 2:46:44 PM

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Watch
And Ph33r.
I ragged on new Hip Hop and R&B... but this... this is just... help us lord...
posted by Internet Master Phunk 10:37 AM
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Spooky Magoo - I particulary like the animated "HOOGA HOOGA OOGA CHAKA" font. Is that for the purposes of subtitling? If you click on the applet a few times, you'll note that this video is a 10+ minute epic - I guess his artistic integrity and need to tell a story far outweighed any financial gain resulting from heavy rotation on MTV. It's refreshing to see someone break outside of the prescribed music video format - it's even got good acting!

"Look, I'm a snowboarder! No wait, I'm falling...AHHHH! Just kidding, I'm really singing"...
Thursday, December 12, 2002 at 12:04:47 PM

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Well... interesting night... just shove over a section of my face and i'll be sure to tell you all about it.
posted by Internet Master Phunk 9:31 AM
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Well... tonight... i was beaten up... i don't really know why actually...
All i know is, my lips are are swollen to 3 times their normal size... i can't see a whole lot right now... and I didn't have anyone to back my up... not through any fault of my friends but from my own.
I'm not quite aware of what i did tonight but i'm informed it was quite unforgiveable... i'm told it was something my friend did... and if i have to take a shot for a friend... then so be it.
But I don't know what really happened... i just got beaten.
posted by Internet Master Phunk 2:53 AM
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Doctor Tongue - talkin' when you shoulda been listenin'?
Saturday, December 07, 2002 at 8:17:28 PM doctortongue.com

IMOTU - more like turning my head when i should have been ducking.
Sunday, December 08, 2002 at 9:51:24 PM www.insultmachine.com/imotu

SpookyMagoo from Beyond the Grave - Have you sorted out what happened? Jesus Christ man! On the bright side, I bet it really hurt when you headbutted that guy's fist with the blind side of your face.
Tuesday, December 10, 2002 at 6:18:27 PM

IMOTU - Broke his knuckle man... on the downside of that, i must have been hit pretty freaking hard...
Wednesday, December 11, 2002 at 9:47:04 AM www.insultmachine.com/imotu

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And when He turned 24, there was much rejoicing by the men and the women(especially the women) and the fruit bats and the oppossums and the orangutans and the breakfast cereals... wait... wrong rant... Anyways... I turned 24 years old today... Bow to me.
posted by Internet Master Phunk 12:31 AM
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Doctor Tongue - happy birthday, ya young punk
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 12:31:14 AM doctortongue.com

Madbuffalo - Hmm.. 24 huh?.. although i think i will decline to bow at this juncture, i do wish you a long life, happiness, many fresh attractive women, large ostentatious british cars and perhaps even a cure for that unfortunate 'itch' you caught that one time...
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 4:23:56 AM

IMOTU - attractive women...? what are those?
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 10:29:29 PM www.insultmachine.com/imotu

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Lets see... the first thing i'd do after getting this bill...
Yeah, I'd kill myself.
posted by Internet Master Phunk 4:31 PM
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Doctor Tongue - 234 GB in a month? I find that nearly impossible to believe
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 12:32:38 AM doctortongue.com

Doctor Tongue - OK, not so much - it's the bill I find impossible
Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 12:33:59 AM doctortongue.com

SpookyMagoo from Beyond the Grave - 234 Gigs? Why, that's nearly the same amount of traffic that this website mows through.
Tuesday, December 10, 2002 at 6:25:11 PM

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Well... finally got some images scanned thanks to The Doc.
First, from my trip to Victoria a while ago, Andy F
Second, from a recent wedding back home, me and my dad
Next, old pics from last new years, Image 1, Image 2, Image 3, Image 4
And one from my trip to Europe over a year ago... I just think it looks cool
posted by Internet Master Phunk 5:03 PM
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Okay... so I just saw the, I'm assuming, NEW Nelly video on Muchmusic... Now... I just have one thing to say... WTF?!
Take a look at this guy... a good look... He looks like a neanderthal... The missing bloody link. Which record producer looked at this guy and said, "Lets make him a STAR!!!" Every song sounds the same. The lyrics say absolutely nothing, unless yo, pimp, ho, mamma, etc became very expressive terms of philisophical thought in the time i was sleeping (about 6 hours).
As for the video itself. Lets analyze the Nelly video...
One part hot nearly naked booty (I got that word from Nelly too! Guess he's benefiting society in all ways!)
One part him and all his homies (YEAH VOCABULARY!) in some very narrow hallway.
Make sure that photocopied money is flying around somewhere
Mix with chesse
Bake for 3.5 - 5 minutes
Serve with dog shit to help make it taste better
There... every Nelly video, nay, every modern rap video in existance, distilled and submitted for your approval.
I don't think i have EVER actually seen him with his mouth fully closed. Nelly, here's a tip, thats TOO much gold in your mouth. Get a new fucking dentist.
And please God tell me... PLEASE... What in the name of... YOU... is that band-aid about?!??!?!!? Are we supposed to believe that he got that in some life or death fight club bout? Does it somehow make me think, "I don't want to mess with him..." If thats the intent man, try to make sure it isn't a seasame street elmo band-aid please.
People like this are going to be the defining musical influences of the world. As bad as Disco was, and it WAS bad, I shutter to look back on this and think, thats what an entire world (Or at least Americans... same difference) listened to and helped to define us culturally.
In 10-20 years, retro night at the bar is going to be this crap.
posted by Internet Master Phunk 11:17 AM
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tlawski - I think the band-aid is symbolic of the a friend or relative that died...though I could be wrong. And there's nothing wrong with disco..especially disco house baby house!!
Tuesday, December 03, 2002 at 11:40:06 AM

tlawski - AND...at least its not fucking 80's music. God I hate(d) that music
Tuesday, December 03, 2002 at 11:41:39 AM

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Well... i just checked it out... and ShoeBoots is up and running... there isn't a whole lot there except some mildly amusing nincompoopery, right now you just look at it and go "What the fuck?", but soon it will be completely loaded with all kinds of nincompoopery.
posted by Internet Master Phunk 2:52 AM
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Anonymous - different....
Wednesday, December 04, 2002 at 9:54:27 PM

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